Mickey =(

So my little furry friend had to be put down tonight. We said for a long time now, "as long as he keeps eating, and seems happy, we'll see how he sticks it out." Well, he hadn't eaten since Friday, and all he did was mope around. His time had come. At least my grandma will have her puppy again, right?

It's a time like now when I realize how loyal a dog is, and just how much having someone love you unconditionally really means. We had a choke collar for him. He hated it. He still loved me. We had an electric fence. All he wanted to do was chase a rabbit. He got shocked. He still loved me. I pushed him off the bed. I smacked him. I waited too long between letting him out. I forgot to feed him. I threw snowballs at him. I yelled at him. I called him a pain in the ass. He loved me.

I went out with Laura tonight after I heard the news. For like an hour, I didn't talk about Mickey. I didn't think about Mickey. And I had Rita's. With Laura. It was a good hour. But now I'm home, and all the other stuff that happened to me today, happened around me today, thoughts that went through my head, etc...don't even really matter to me. I've always said I don't have much, but I do have a fantastic family and set of friends. I lost one of each today, and although he was "just" the dog, minus the talking part he was the best friend I could have asked for for the past 13 years. Mickey, you're missed.

Tonight

So I recently, like today, decided I'm going to read more often. Which, considering how often I read prior to this decision, will not be all that difficult. No less, I'm reading books I already own and thought would make a good addition to my collection but never got around to (which is most of them), or books I own and actually read, but decided to reread them because they were either good or had a good impact on me. The first one I started is called Fierce Conversations. It's by Susan Scott, and she wrote it better than I can paraphrase, so I will type verbatim the first page of her book.

The Seven Principles of Fierce Conversation

Principle 1: Master the courage to interrogate reality.

No plan survives its collision with reality, and reality has a habit of shifting, at work and at home. Markets and economies change, requiring shifts in strategy. People change and forget to tell each other -- colleagues, customers, spouses, friends. We are all changing all the time. Not only do we neglect to share this with others, we are skilled at masking it even to ourselves.

Principle 2: Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real.

While many fear "real," it is the unreal conversation that should scare us to death. Unreal conversations are expensive, for the individual and the organization. No one has to change, but everyone has to have the conversation. When the conversation is real, the change occurs before the conversation is over. You will accomplish your goals in large part by making every conversation you have as real as possible. (

(Andrew here, both of these first two were good, but here comes the couple of them that I really like.)

Principle 3: Be here, prepared to be nowhere else.

Our work, our relationships, and our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time. While no single conversation is guaranteed to transform a company, a relationship, or a life, and single conversation can. (Andrew here -- that last sentence? Perfect. I love it.) Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you will ever have with this person. It could be. Participate as if it matters. It does.

Principle 4: Tackle your toughest challenge today.

Burnout doesn't occur because we're solving problems; it occurs because we've been trying to solve the same problem over and over. (Another great statement) The problem named is the problem solved. Identify and then confront the real obstacles in your path. Stay current with the people important to your success and happiness. Travel light, agenda-free.

Principle 5: Obey your instincts

Don't just trust your instincts -- obey them. Your radar screen works perfect;y. It's the operator who is in question. An intelligence agent is sending you messages every day, all day. Tune in. Pay attention. Share these thoughts with others. What we label as an illusion is the scent of something real coming close.

Principle 6: Take responsibility for your emotional wake.

For a leader, there is no trivial comment. Something you don't remeber saying ay have had a devastating impact on someone who looked to you for guidance and approval. The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation is the relationship. Learning to deliver the message without the load allows you to speak with clarity, conviction, and compassion.

Principle 7: Let silence do the heavy lifting.

When there is simply a whole lot of talking going on, conversations can be so empty of meaning they crackle. Memorable conversations include breathing space. Slow down the conversation, so that insight can occur in the space between words and you can discover what the conversation really wants and needs to be about.

Andrew here again. That was wonderful. I hope I don't do this all the time: find something good and copy it onto my blog. I'll quickly find out out how the monks felt when they sat copying bibles and doing nothing else.

Well I'm off to reading again. It will also take me pretty long to finish reading a book if I have to type every page of it right after I read it...maybe this was it. Maybe just some reflection? Who knows. Well, and I get to see customers tomorrow. Word.

I hope today, or tonight at least, is the start of something good

I knew today would be a weird day. I woke up at 6, when I didn’t have to be up for another hour. I didn’t go back to sleep though. I worked out. And cleaned a little. At 6am. WTF? It was drizzling the whole way to work. When I pulled into the parking lot, the skies opened up and it started POURING. Keeps the customers away though, no?
Wrong. 8:01 – 8:13 was spent on the phone with an insurance company. Not because of a customer though. To her credit, she presented her new card to me BEFORE I had to tell her “your old insurance is no longer active. Do you have a new plan?” and that whole mess. So I put everything in. A number with a prefix of letters. These are always bad news. Which letters, if any, do I use? A completely random one? I better not try, I’ll just call to find out for sure. Well it turns out that the state this particular plan was from uses all the letters on the GROUP code, but none of the letters on the ID. Well that makes sense. Why didn’t I think of that?

12 minutes out of a 5 hour shift. 4% of my work day was just wasted. Thanks, Blue Cross of Illinois. There was, believe it or not, not too much to complain about during the other 96%. Thankfully. I was worried. Well, I left work and got my paycheck. Yeah, I need to get another (second? Or replacement?) job. I can literally flip burgers and make more money. Well…ironic maybe. I’ll serve them burgers and fries by day, and the medicine to help their arteries manage to stay only partially clogged by night. Maybe I should move to Statin Island (get it? Statin? Ha.) OK, enough out of my work talk. It was a short day so I won’t go on too much. So I get home from work and do some trying to figure out what to do with my life. I’m in a horrible spot. After an afternoon of not getting too far, I came home and decided to take a break from it. I was getting to upset and not being able to think straight. Took a nap. Woke up. Still was thinking. Getting nowhere…So I did a little praying tonight. I’m not normally one to pray at night, but I really felt I had to. I am in such a low point in my life I just wanted God to know. He does. Of course he does, but for whatever reason I felt I had to make an extra effort. I asked for advice. Anything. Any sort of sign. So the next song that came on my playlist was “sing hallelujah!”…that was odd. So I did, then said I needed something. I asked what to do. The first line of the next song was “you’re looking at the real deal now // what ya gonna do about?!”…a little strange, considering what I just asked. I told Him that’s what I wanted to know. I had no idea. I still don’t. The next song started with a long musical intro so I figured it was just a fluke. Then the words started… “I’m not one to give advice……..na na na na na na, I’m on to you”…wow. Three in a row. Out of several thousand. That related to exactly what was going on in my head and answered what I asked. “You’ve got my attention, but not my sympathy” … I never asked for sympathy, I asked for what to do. Or just something that said everything would be ok. Next? My WWF volume 4… “Test, Test, this is a Test.” What is going on. Divine intervention via Windows Media? Microsoft, I knew your programs were pretty amazing but this is ridiculous. “He’s walking like a strong child. But watch his eyes. Black holes in his golden stare. God knows he wants to go home…” that was the next song? Not exactly the advice I was looking for. Unless He means become more active and go to church more? The next song was words I couldn’t understand. How appropriate. I don’t understand what I’m to do. “Calling all Americans of above-average intelligence. College graduates apply today.” A new job? I’m not joining the CIA though. Sweet Emotion … Gotcha! These are NOT sweet emotions that I’m feeling. Shit. “talking about the things that nobody cares……….said my get up and go must’ve got up and went”…yep. No motivation. Then “Blame Me” by Dropping Daylight. I get it, it’s my own fault. “But you can do the best to save me”…wow. I’m baffled. Here comes System of a Down. Chic’n’Stu. Well…it talks about therapy. Is that it? Then KISS: Raise Your Glasses. A toast to finally figuring out the answer?
Then it went on to some classical concerto. Is my conversation over? Was it anything more than coincidence? Am I being fooled by randomness?
Just as I say that…I’m listening to Alice Cooper… “I may be lonely, but I’m never alone.” OK. Literally, AS I was typing that sentence. Too weird. All the above may have been babble to all of you reading this, but it really did have quite an impact on me. I hope it lasts overnight and into my future. I have faith that it will.
I lost my train of thought. I was going to say something deep but was interrupted by something deeper. That’s not a bad thing, right?
Ahhh, now the Beach Boys come on. Such peaceful music. So relaxing. I wonder if I can buy a cheap/free Theremin? Wow. I thought it was just peaceful music. “Don’t worry baby, everything will turn out alright.” I’m convinced, enough of this music-talk! Please. I’m going to sleep.

Which came first?

What did I do today? Woke up way too early, went back to sleep. Sulked a little bit, then went out for a drive to do some thinking and also because I needed to get out of the house. Well, and I needed to buy some food.

I was at Wal*Mart in Reading today. Wow. If you don't know me that well, you realize I don't really have the strongest feelings towards Reading. Or towards Wal*Mart. When the two combine? Yeah, not a very good experience. Not because of anything in particular (though in the future, I hope to have specifics), more because of the general ignorance and discourteousness of people. I don't know which I'm depressed more about lately: my own situation which I have control over and am going to do something about tomorrow (tune in tomorrow night for details), or the overwhelmingly negative state of humanity. Granted I have not been the most cheery person of late, but come on folks. Maybe it's not even negativity. Maybe it's just...selfishness? Lack of caring for other people? I don't know, I am just not a big fan of people lately.

Which came first - the chicken or the egg? Well, I bought both tonight and they're both delicious. I don't care which came first, as long as they don't stop. Goodnight.

Yahtzee Probabilities

The probability of a Yahtzee for any three-roll turn is about .04603 (347897/7558272) or roughly 1 in 22 attempts. The probability of a specific Yahtzee (e.g., all ones) is about .013272 (6240321451/470184984576). This is about 1.3% or about 1 in 75 attempts. The chances differ slightly as the game goes on. For a perfect game, you need to roll five 6's four times (sixes, 3/kind, 4/kind, and chance). As you use up the 3's, 2's, etc, the probability of rolling what you need is somewhere between about 1.3% and 4.4%. I'm not goingto bother figuring out the numbers for a perfect score because it's much more daunting of a task than I originally thought. However, you get 13 rolls. You can throw one of them away because in my scenario, you are putting a zero in the "yahtzee" column. So...
The probability of a player rolling 12 Yahtzees in a game is about 4.16261E-18, or .00000000000000000416261. The chances get slimmer as you factor in needs of specific numbers, full houses, straights...but in for all intensive purposes, having a 1-in 2.40234E+17 pretty much says impossible. 1 in 240,234,000,000,000,000. QUADRILLION. I average about 3 minutes per game on the computer...longer if I do actual dice and cup. But we'll say 3 minutes. that's roughly 720,702,000,000,000,000 minutes.
Divided by 60.
12,001,700,000,000,000 hours
Divided by 24.
500,488,000,000,000 days.
Divided by 365.25
1,370,260,000,000 years.
To put THIS is perspective, most current research says the universe is between 13.5 and 14 billion years old. We'll say 13.7026 billion for math's sake (and because the universe is ruled by Yahtzee). 1,370,260,000,000 divided by 13,702,600,000 = 100. If someone were playing Yahtzee since most scientists believe our Universe was created, that someone would be just about 1% of the way through his time towards a perfect score of 325. This not even including error for "brain farts" and tactics and whatnot. My little story about a lucky day? I think you'd have to throw in a few more "damn near impossible" things to make it truly reflect the numbers we're talking about. When I first started on this quest (looking at clock, holy shit!) an hour and a half ago, I had no idea the numbers would be this significant. I feel like I've accomplished something. But I still can't sleep.

100 times the age of the universe. Playing yahtzee. This doesn't even take into account time to eat, sleep, etc. Say 1/3 of your time is spent eating, sleeping, hygeine, etc...and assuming you do NOTHING else except play yahtzee, this means 300 times the ago of the universe. I don't know which is harder for me to wrap my head around. That, or a googolplex (google it, it's really incredible. If you could use one ATOM to write a digit on both sides of a piece of paper that was 1 atom thick, there would not be enough space in the universe, or several universes, to write a googolplex). And there are even LARGER numbers out there. What's the point of them? Google them to find out. I'm going to sleep.

Shit. My alarm clock is going to buzz in an hour. Yahtzee!

Insomnia

In what seems to be a strenghthening trend, I'm up at 4am wondering what I can do to make myself tired enough to go back to sleep. Not knowing, I went downstairs and drank some milk. Refreshing, yes. Sleep-inducing? Not so much. I played a couple of games of Yahtzee. Again, didn't really make me tired but I did get a 282 without a Yahtzee bonus. That's a pretty big deal folks and I'll tell you why. I've decided to never use Yahtzee bonuses. It's a quest I'm on, to get the highest score I can without it. I came close with a 282. 290 is the best I've ever done. Some of you may be wondering what the best score is. Rather than forcing you into the depths of your childhood memory banks, wondering "is a large straight worth 40 or 50?" I'll just tell you. And explain.



Category Max Explanation Running Total

Ones: 5 add up only the ones 5

Twos 10 add up the twos 15

Threes 15 same, but with threes 30

Fours 20 see the trend 50

Fives 25 again... 75

Sixes 30 yay, soon different 105

Bonus 35 If all the above > 62 140

3/kind 30 Add up all the dice 170

4/kind 30 add up all the dice 200

Full house 25 3 of something, 2 of another 225

Sm Str 30 4 in a row 255

Lrg Str 40 5 in a row 295

Yahtzee 0* 5 of a kind 295

Chance 30 Add up all the dice 325



Now, understanding statistics and the actual probabilities involved in getting the necessary bounces of the dice of which a "holy grail" 325 calls for, getting a 282 is pretty damned impressive. I didn't crunch the numbers or anything like that (yet? Maybe if I really can't sleep one night...) but I liken it to waking up and going golfing and getting a hole-in-one. On the way to lunch, you are caller 9 on a radio station and win a trip around the world. You get to lunch only to find you're the restaurant's millionth customer and you get that for free. On your way home from lunch, you stop for gas and because of a special promotion, win a free tank of gas and are entered in a drawing for free gas for a year. You go home and mow the lawn, only to hit something with your mower. In a fit of rage, you stumble across a small box and find a buried box of money from your grandparents who "didn't trust no bank but the dirt one behind my house." You are about to start mowing again when your phone rings. You won aforementioned free gas for a year. And all of this before 4pm. You plan to go out to dinner to celebrate, but it's still early. To pass the time, you and your family play some games. You finish off your luckiest of lucky days by rolling a 325 in Yahtzee. THAT'S how rare it is. Remember elementary school? Never use the word you're defining IN the definition of the word, i.e. it is not acceptable to define "driving" as "the art of going for a drive." But Yahtzee writes its own rule book.



I'm tired now. I may figure some numbers out, I may go to sleep. I'll let you know

Make today count

I read these in a book a while back and for some reason thought of them last night...or this morning...or sometime, but for some reason they're in my head and I can't get rid of them. 12 critical areas of success. I'm working on them.
Attitude
Priorities
Health
Family
Thinking
Commitment
Finances
Faith
Relationships
Generosity
Values
Growth

The more I think about it, the more I used to think that I just needed an "a-ha" moment. I have to work on each of the 12 every day; I think that's the only way I'll make myself into the person I want to be. I have had plenty of A-Ha moment's at karaoke bars, though.

Don't act differently, become different. Don't act honestly, become an honest person.

Without cheesy, you wouldn't have cheesesteaks

I'm cleaning out my closet. Not because I don't have a lot of nice clothing (I do), but because I've realized there are a lot of people and things that I've held onto that I just don't need anymore. I'm not only not a better person with them still around, but I actually think I'm worse off than before. So, without getting too detailed -- maybe I should? That may come later, when I'm even more bitter than I already am -- I'm just going to say that sometimes, just like in relationships, friendships just don't work out. Sometimes, old habits die hard but they need to do just that.

I recently had a very good friendship going, I really thought I did. But because of circumstances partially out of my control, that ended. I'm going to say partially because I think that everything that happens in my life, I have at least some control over. This time was no different, but it just hurts a little more than before. I'm a pretty social guy, I can make friends relatively easily. I used to trust people really easily, probably to a fault. So when this girl and I started hitting it off so well right off the bat, and talking, spending time (but not too much time, we are both very independent people in that sense) together, etc...I really knew, or in hindsight, thought, that it was that start of a very good thing. Well, now because of some other things not panning out (this is the "beyond my control" part), I had to cancel/rearrange plans one too many times. It mostly had to do with money, but I don't want to get too into that on here; I'm relatively at-peace with myself right now and if I think too much about that I won't be. But, because of some things not working like I thought they would over the past couple of months, I had to become what I always said has been a huge pet peeve of mine, and that's unreliable. So, the chances of the person who I mean reading this is very slim. I'm not going to mention any names, cause I'll get chastised for it. I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm just asking for another chance. Well...that's all, and now let the questions begin. And the me feeling pathetic for admitting all of that. Goodnight

Oh well, at least I got a free dinner.

So I skipped yesterday. I realize this. That's, in part, because nothing exciting really happened. I woke up at 8:30ish. I got my mom's golf club for her and gave it to her when she "swung" by at 9:00. I then realized I didn't really have any reason to be awake, so I went back to sleep for a little while. I hung out at the house for the rest of the morning into the early part of the afternoon, went in to CVS...blah blah blah I just realized I'm writing like a 5th grader. I don't need to give a minute-by-minute walkthrough of my day. I'll save that for twitter (airbornesensei). I'll give you any epiphany or huge realization that I come to. I didn't really have any, except that I really can get suckered in to things for more than I want to. Ex: I said I'd take pictures at the strawberry festival and ended up staying from 3:30-7:15 helping out with serving and whatnot. You were right, mom. I realized also that while looking forward and planning ahead is great, it's a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link of the chain of destiny can be handled at a time.

I am doing much better with mornings now than I used to. I credit two groups of people: first, the creators of Youtube for allowing old gems of videos to be made publicly available for free (well, the cost of internet [free if your close neighbors have unsecured wifi] and a computer [free if you've got a library card] ), and second to the creators of 8-minute abs (and the other workouts in the 8-minute series). I feel a lot better, physically if nothing else, about myself lately. If I can keep that up and work on the mental part, I'll be in good shape. Does anyone know if there's a 8-minute brain?

Have a super day

I am trying to do this from my phone. Psh, who needs twitter

Hello!

So it's 7:15. I'm pretty impressed with myself. I had a decent day...I woke up, did some running, sat around and had a pretty lazy late morning. I went to lunch with my mom and picked out some paint and whatnot. When roommate's out and everything's cleaned up after that, I will finally finish the dining room hopefully for my own good, but more than likely for the good of the selling price. =( Now I have 45 minutes to find a place to watch the hockey game. Maybe I won't at all. It's game 7. I don't really like either the Penguins or the Red Wings, but I feel obligated to watch it because of the nature of the beast. That's all. I hung out at CVS today...even when I wasn't working. I'm such a cool person. No, I know I am. I just wanted to talk to people. I took some pictures at my church, and I am going to help out tomorrow night too, it's the strawberry festival tomorrow (Come on out! Longswamp UCC in Mertztown!)! It'll be a good afternoon. Hopefully afterward I'll figure out something to do, but if not it's not the end of the world. At least I'll have 8 minute abs to look forward to. That's all for now, thank you for being a friend

Update: The chicken WAS good

1/4 cup melted butter
1/3 cup parmesean cheese
1/3 cup bread crumbs
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1/4 cup parsley
1/2 tsp garlic powder
4 chicken breasts
1 tsp worcestershire sauce

Heat oven to 350. Mix butter, mustard, worcestershire in one dish. Mix bread, cheese, parsley in another. Dip chicken in sauce, then bread mix, then pan (I used a 9x9 Pyrex, it worked nicely). Cook for 55-60 minutes or until cooked through (56 worked perfectly for me).

Not bad...I bought all that with a lot of extra sauces. Plus milk, soap, cookies, popcorn, 2 drinks, chips, a small bag of skittles, and a mango. All for just about $19. Made me dinner for tonight, plus a solid lunch for Saturday, and some snacks and milk. I really think I'm diggin' this buy each meal as it comes up business. If I can average $15 a day on food (I realize I went over today, but I had to buy milk, and I bought snacks which I usually don't...), that's like $400 per month. As I keep accumulating things though, like parsley flakes, onions, etc...I think I can probably cut it to about $10 a day, for $300 per month. With decent food, too! Combine that with my workouts...shaZAM I'll be in shape in no time flat. Enjoy your night ,everyone

Two in one day!

Well, it's 7:18 and dinner's in the oven. I didn't do too badly today; I worked from 8-1 and actually got a decent amount done after that. I took a short nap, cleaned the kitchen, and went shopping. I looked up a recipe online and found a good (hopefully, we'll find out in 27 more minutes) one and it was relatively cheap. I got all that I needed, plus some extra things like soap, milk, and some snacks for like $20. Not bad at all, if I do say.

Nothing really exciting at work today except that by the strange way it started, I thought it was going to be the longest 5-hour shift of my life. Within the first hour, we had to deal with 4 of our favorite customers (no names...I'm not breaking HIPAA). So yeah, that was my work day. People complain too much. It is base and unworthy to live below the dignity of our nature. Don't complain, just deal with it. Have some dignity, have some self-respect, and possibly more important than that, have some respect toward others. Golden rule to me is nonsense. Don't treat others as you would like to be treated. That's lazy. Get to know a person, treat him as he wants to be treated.

So my roommate is moving out this weekend. I'm debating moving into that bedroom. I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay here or not (in the house), so maybe I'll wait. I like it because it's attached to the bathroom, but I don't want to go through the hassle of moving a room if I am just going to be moving EVERYTHING within a couple of months. We'll see, I think I should just hold fast for now. I guess that's all, I'll post more tomorrow (or tonight if anything exciting happens between now and sleep). Bye all, until next time

start blogging

So I'm back into this I think. We'll see how long it lasts. As you can see it's been almost 3 months since my last post, and well...a lot has gone on. Gained a friend, lost said friend. Gained a girlfriend, lost said girlfriend. Started working at CVS, I haven't lost that yet. Going back to school in the fall. May move back home. A lot is going on; a lot more than I care to type about and, possibly more importantly, more than I care to post on a public blog. If you want to know more, you can find out a way to reach me and we'll talk. I did start doing the "8-minute" type workouts. From the 90's, with the cheesy music? That's it, just 45 more seconds. You're doing great!

That's all for now, hopefully more will come when I think of it. Right now, it's 7:30 in the morning and I just got out of the shower. I have to get ready for work and I will do that now before I miss it and get there late cause I decided once again to start blogging. That's all for now, maybe I'll be back soon. If my history says anything though, I'll see you in September.